There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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