Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Randomize
