is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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