If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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