its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
