His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
