4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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