Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
