thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
