The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
