So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
