As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
