I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
