Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
