Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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