I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
