i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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