It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Randomize
