I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
