I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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