Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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