using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
worst night to have a conscience
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
