im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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