I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
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P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
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he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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