quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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