Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
my liver is dry heaving
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
