Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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