just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
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Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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