but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
