apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I need a burrito and a hug.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
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