I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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