I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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