i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
