I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Randomize
