You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Randomize
