She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
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Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
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Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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