There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
