Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
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We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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