All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I wish you could order shots online.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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