I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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