Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
