Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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