Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
it hurts more in the daytime
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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