Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
