You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
