Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
