Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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