It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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