how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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