i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
