you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Randomize
