I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Just high enough for therapy.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
