We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
