i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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