remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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