she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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