Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
babies were throwing up all over the place
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
