aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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