Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
