Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
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