ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
