what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
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Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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